Be comfortable and thrive being alone
This be your best friend post is for you If you get anxious at the very thought of alone time. Equally if want you want to feel more comfortable in social situations keep reading.
Firstly, this article is not about removing yourself entirely away from people and social situations, it is about gaining more confidence in your ability to thrive and be happy in those times when you are alone either by choice or circumstance. This in turn once mastered will give you more self-awareness that when you are around other people you can feel more at ease that your own inner being is there with you quietly being your own personal cheerleader.
Motivational confidence building podcasts
Podcasts, podcasts, podcasts this is what I would recommend as a starting point as mentioned in my Introvert Blog. You don’t really have a ‘no time’ excuse not to listen to podcasts as you can have these on while doing chores, out walking or in the car or before you fall asleep.
I used to listen to them while doing online admin work, I listened to a range of different ones but generally they fell under these three topics: Happiness, Confidence or Motivation. Best part is you can find a lot of free ones online that you don’t need to sign up for, you can literally start listening to them straight away. In your search you will probably come across podcasts that want you to subscribe or pay, this is your choice, but you can simply exit out of these ones to find ones without the need to do that. I personally chose to listen to podcasts where I could easily find a play button.
It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen. Sure you have heard this expression before, and it is no more relevant than it is here. It will take many hours to rewire negative thought patterns and generally being down on yourself. You literally can be your own worst enemy and contrarily Your Best Friend.
Action steps
Journal
Keep your mind more calm, clear and organized with journals and notebooks. Any type of book where you can write down notes and thoughts is fine. A cheap exercise and composition book could work just as much as the more expensive hard-covered journals.
There are so many good reasons to write down your thoughts, goals and dreams. If you are feeling up to it you can also write daily, weekly or when the mood strikes things you are grateful for or any type of motivational quote that speaks to you and gives your mind a little re-set or boost.
I like to use my notebooks for goal setting. It does help me to write things down in a notebook particularly on what I want to achieve creatively.
Prioritize
Think about all the things that make you happy and write them down in your notebook. Make at least some of them easily accessible for you to do now in your current circumstances. Make these a priority in your daily and weekly commitments. Give yourself the refresh you need for yourself as well as all the other people in your life by fitting in things that give you joy, are baby steps towards getting out of your comfort zone or will be beneficial in the short, medium or longer term for your growth and wellbeing.
Let it go
Let anything or anyone that isn’t or no longer serving your highest good go with grace. If you start to feel lonely or feel you need to dim your light in someone else’s company this is a strong sign your time with that person has run its course. Look around your personal space and start to think if the possessions around you are no longer needed. Start changing things little by little so you have your own little sanctuary of things that make you smile or feel comfortable.
You could start with a small little dressing table or corner and put all the things you like in this area this can be a little spot you can focus on and could be the springboard for making more sweeping changes.
Calm and make peace with your inner critic
Give your inner critic a name and talk back. Mine is Constance, I chose this name as it was constantly giving me negative feedback. One day I decided to talk back and challenge this voice. Saying things like, ‘so what’, ‘what about all the times I got things right?’. You know what, my inner critic ‘Constance’ has been awfully quiet ever since. Try to make peace with your inner critic and don’t get angry. Just say something aloud or to yourself like, ‘look I know you are looking out for me deep down and it’s just that you don’t want me to make future mistakes but if you’re not going to be my cheerleader I no longer wish to hear from you’.
Start to LIKE yourself
Thoughts of loving oneself and self-love practices might be a step too far to think about. Depending on your starting point you may view terms like ‘love yourself’ a bit too woo-woo. So how about just learning to like yourself.
Spend time really reflecting and questioning who you really are, what makes you tick and the things that fill you with joy. If you can, some ideas to get away on your own are to go on a long walk, go to a beach, sit in a cafe or library or if you have the time and money take yourself on a mini holiday. Start to make pleasant conversation with your inner voice so that it becomes a sounding board for your hopes, fears and dreams and nudge it slowly but surely to quietly and ever increasingly loudly cheering you on.
You will be the only constant person in your life so it makes sense to think about and look after yourself. It also makes a lot of sense to be your best friend. Other people can disappoint or drift out of your life for many reasons but you will always be with you.
Cherish it.
If you are an introvert (INFJ) or interested in reading more about life from an introvert’s perspective, you can check my post Introvert Blog – INFJ.
